What is wrong with us?!

I live in the United States of America, the "land of the free and the home of the brave," yet I am watching my country slip out of the hands of its citizens and into the hands of the few.

We have allowed our government to take over and we've done nothing about it. We fail ourselves by continuing to elect the same people who got us into this mess. We immediately blame the president for our debacle but we fail to realize that it was Congress who allowed our situation to get so bad.

How many times has Ted Kennedy been elected to office? How many times has he failed us?! I only use him as an example because he has been in Congress for much too long and demonstrated on more than one occasion that he is unfit to represent the people of these United States.

I don't understand why we, the general public, continually fail to realize that we really do have the final say. Power is only granted through consent. Have we become so apathetic that we have consented our rights away?

Those in power are only there because WE ALLOW THEM TO BE!

I passionately urge the American populous to remind our elected officials that they are nothing without us. To parallel a common parental colloquialism, "We elected you into power. We can elect you out."

It's time to start replacing the representatives that do not represent. We CAN make a difference. Yes, we can! We CAN send a message. Yes, we can! We CAN say NO to Obama's so-called healthcare bill. Yes, we can! We CAN stop the constant rape of the Constitution. Yes, we can! We CAN replace the all-too-comfortable long-time incumbents who turned their backs on us through our power of the vote. Yes, we can!

We can take back America from the socialist regime. Yes, we can!

Double Bullshit!

I could not log into my Blogspot account because I thought that I had forgotten my password.

Then, after trying to reset and failing, I clicked on the link and was granted immediate passage.

That's bullshit number one.

Number two is even worse.

The second bullshit is that I can't seem to make some simple decisions. I taste a lot of wine to potentially add to the RCL wine list. I try to remain objective but the wines from D&E appear much more favorable than those from the "competitor."

I have learned how to read people and I maintain a skeptic mindset which has triggered subtle, yet noticeable, reactions to the verbiage used by the wine reps from the competitor.

That being said, my next post will be a notice to my "competitor" rep...

When a POS is a POS

Some notes I left in the manager's log as well as some Blogspot-only exclusive material. Names have been changed to maintain anonymity:

Just when we thought that V1 couldn’t possibly get any worse, a brand new @$#!*&%$ -up comes along. When "THE BOY" added the Chef’s Table Exclusivity fee to the check, well, you all will just have to look at the tickets I left in my box. They pretty much defy explanation. It has to be quantum physics at work.

Speaking of V1 costing us money, Ms. "ANONYMOUS" (woman who thought “we” were racist for saying ‘y’all’ many years ago) called us out on our Club discount procedure. "SHE" spent nearly an hour explaining the workaround that we have had to use to properly apply Club discounts. Ms. "ANONYMOUS" eventually got it, but mentioned that she would send "GM" an e-mail about it. I beat her to it. At this point, her complaint could only serve to strengthen our case that V1 has failed us miserably. Just because we understand it does not mean that the rest of the world does or will be so patient as to sit through an explanation (read: excuse.)

Maybe I’m out of line for saying this, but , logically speaking, if "FA" thinks our way of doing business is responsible for our POS problems, then maybe we should change the way we do business?! Regardless, these errors are unforgivable and I’m confident that we have nothing to do with them. You all remember Richard Pryor in Superman III? Brilliant!

Poster's note: V1 is the name of the POS system we use at my place of business. Apparently, any math outside of the 3rd grade level is much too advanced. This is only a conclusion that I have drawn based on hard-copy evidence and repeated offenses. There does exists a contingency of people who defend the program with the argument of "I know you are but what am I?" but I'm pretty sure that my physical evidence will overpower the stance of the defense...

Surreal Moments

I was watching the David Lynch film 'Eraserhead' tonight. It was so claustrophobic and insane. It made me feel like I was at work again.

What a weird association.

I'm confused.

UPDATE - The more I watch this film, the more I'm driven to almost say outloud, "What the fuck?"

I finally found something that actually made me uneasy.

Oh Jesus-tap-dancing Christ...this is solely THE most fucked-up film I've ever seen.

Consider this a play-by-play commentary. I'm gonna update this post until the movie is over...

This is the first film to seriously evoke disturbance in me. I have never felt so alive, yet so uncomfortable.

What the fuck?!?! This shit is truly disturbed!

Still can't stand up to Mama

The following is the actual response I sent to my mother regarding a myspace bulletin she posted.

How did you get this story? How much further did you dig beyond what was presented to you? Please tell me that you questioned this post!?

Mom, you can't take internet fodder as truth unless you dig deeper and decide for yourself.

Just because you want to believe it does not make it true.

I found the post to be mostly false with simply a Google search. Just type in "Rick Mathes" in any search engine.

While I abhor war and the actions of Islamic extremists, I do not place the blame on Islam. Judaism, Christianity (which is ironically divided between Catholicism and Protestantism, as well as many other cult-status segments) and Islam are the three major religions in the world.

All three believe, without a doubt, that they are right and that everyone else is wrong.

The most common response I get to the above statement is that one simply has to "have faith."

All three segments HAVE FAITH! That's WHY extremists strap bombs to themselves and take out whatever their targets may be.

"Faith" is the exact reason why millions were murdered during the Christian Crusades. Killing in the name of God... Don't the Ten Commandments contradict that?

If "faith" is such a powerful concept, then the world as we know it will be torn in thirds very soon.

Don't hesitate to correct me when I'm wrong. I don't want to be made a fool. If you can scientifically prove that the Southern Baptists have had it right all along, I'll change the belief system.

Aaron

Letter to my Mother

This is the message I was going to send my mother in regards to a myspace bulletin that she posted. Myspace and Weller don't mix well.

http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/rickmathes.html

I want you to read in full the material on the address above. My education of media (no degree doesn't mean I'm not educated, it only indicates that I have a lazy streak) has instilled in me an innate desire to always dig just a little bit deeper and never take things at face value.

I hope you realize that the Palestinian people were forced out of their homeland (Israel) after WWII in the same way that the founding fathers of this entire nation have forced Native Americans on to reservations.

Don't believe everything that you read. Just because a "friend" sends you a message, doesn't make it true.

I have Muslim friends and clients. They are disturbed by the actions of extremists. They do not identify with the inciters and instigators. They cherish their freedom as Americans (albeit Muslim Americans...the Jews went through the EXACT SAME HATRED in the 1940's, just ask Groucho Marx).

By declaring war on a religion, America basically signs its own death sentence. We are NOT at war with Islam. We ARE at war with those who wish to undermine our freedom. Unfortunately, our leaders are disillusioned otherwise.

At this point, I feel it necessary to clarify my own views. I love the USA. I am proud of the freedoms we have. I support our troops though I abhor war. If those men and women are willing to put their lives on the line to defend my freedoms, then I will embrace those freedoms to the fullest and exemplify them at every turn.

I only wish that they didn't have to put their lives on the line. Since they willingly do, I want to say thank you to each and every one of them. I truly appreciate every single person who has stepped up to defend us against the wrong-doings of others.

Islamic extremists lay claim to 9-11. How many Christians lay claim to The Crusades? Killing in the name of God...seems a little too familiar...

Teeth

Sent this e-mail to my brother:

I'm pretty sure that maybe donating some money, clothes, or material necessities will do more good than prayer. It's the equivalent of the redneck couple on TV thanking God that it was a miracle that their trailer home in Kansas was spared in the midst of the tornadoes. God must have hated all the other trailers in the park.

This trailer must either have the most teeth (per capita). Otherwise, the God I know would not have spared the abomination of the ENTIRE GOD-FEARING NEIGHBORHOOD!

Surely, it must have been the teeth...


Aaron

Fire! Firrrrrrrrerrrrreeee, Fire.

My former English teacher's house burned down today and she and her husband lost all their material possessions. We were all asked to pray for them. Really? That's the solution?

Had we been praying for them, according to the general status quo in the Bible belt, God would have intervened - that is, unless it was His will that a God-fearing couple who continually contributed to their community and served the public (she was a Texas school teacher, he was a veterinary doctor) should lose their every material possession in their retirement age, even though they professed their faith and regularly attended church.

God has a plan for all of us. We are too weak to know it. God apparently also made us in His own image. What a trip!

Does a spiritual being need physical arms and legs, eyes and ears, etc? There are plenty of babies born everyday who are deaf and dumb, paraplegic, etc to answer that question.

Here's the difference between my wife and I and our beliefs, and the aforementioned couple:

God didn't choose my place of residence. God has not chosen our careers. I am an atheist. God has no influence in my life or decisions because I do not believe that God exists. My wife is Agnostic. She doesn't know but accepts that. She's braver than I am. She's willing to acknowledge God as even possibly existing.

I do believe that a nuclear disaster is possible in my town and that my family and I could be vaporized into oblivion at any moments notice. I do believe that science has advanced enough that the aforementioned will not occur without outside (human!) intervention.

When a trailer house in Kansas is skipped by the F3 tornado, it's called a miracle by the residents. What about the neighbors? Did God spare that one sad-sack trailer because He hated everyone else around?

It just gets better and better

My old friend has three pictures in a row of the Washington Monument on her MySpace site.

My only comment was that Sigmund Freud would say that she viewed this work of art as a penis, therefore she viewed the penis as a work of art!

Ha!

I'm sooooooo drunk. No wine tonight. It's all Miller Lite.

Can't Look Away

House wines are usually fairly cheap. If you reverse the words, wine house (ahem, Amy) is also cheap.

Here's the problem I ran into. I found a website with naked pictures of Amy Winehouse.

Fuck!

It's like having Pamela Anderson herself approach you and offer to perform unspeakable sexual acts with no commitment, even bringing along Angelina Jolie to complete a delicious threeway of trashy hotness and both of them insisting that condoms are for sailors. The only caveat is that you might happen to contract the life-threatening disease hepatitis(see below) and die a slow, painful, jaundiced death.

Them: "Hey, you get to see a naked woman!"

Me: "Oh, yeah? I like naked women. Let's see!"

Them: "It's Amy Winehouse."

Me: "Shit. I need to think this one over..."


Below: One might ask how a naked image of Amy Winehouse could even begin to be compared to hepatitis. My answer: have you actually seen this walking corpse? Seeing her naked would imminently plant an image in one's mind that could not be escaped. It would creep up when one least expected and drain out a little extra life force each time.

Drunken Message to a Friend

The following message should set itself up. If you don't immediately pick up on the background to this message, raise your hand so I can come over and hit you with a tack hammer, because you're an idiot.

"Since you've been missing your drunken MySpace messages, I figured that, as a friend, getting hammered and expressing my latest revelation (under the delicious auspices of sweet, sweet alcohol) would only be a courtesy to a friend in need. Heh heh...

My drunk-ass came to the conclusion that my music career is not over. I've only been given a taste of what is to come. I listened to a bunch of old Hurt Street tonight and what we were doing was inspired and spontaneous.

All of my wine training (and yours) is simply to educate ourselves for better contract riders so that our backstage craft services are better suited towards the creative process.

In other words, gimme the good shit muthafucka. I wanna see verticals of Margaux backstage, bitches! If those Canuck mofos from Rush can demand, so can a rag-tag bunch of old fuckers (you, me, Eddie, a to-be-unidentified drummer from RCL, and my old bandmate/vocalist Luke).

Am I chasing an unattainable dream or would you ride the musical train if the opportunity presented itself?

Facts: I'm drunk right now. You, me, and Eddie are all committed to our jobs. Lilly won't start school for another three to four years. I'm drunk.

More facts: I'll be sober when I read your response. I'll be sober when I remember that I sent this message. I haven't spoken with Luke in nearly a year.

Dream: Luke rocking the vocals and some rhythm guitar, you on lead guitar, Eddie on full-time rhythm guitar, me on bass, and a TBD drummer with a possible TBD percussionist.

I'm not ready to give up on music.

Also, Angie's vagina has the gravitational pull of the moons of Jupiter, mostly Europa. Seriously, there is a singularity in her crotch that, aside from an inescapable gravitational pull, is coupled with an infinitely dense layer of cobwebs from lack of penetration by the human penis.

"Put it in Angie's box," everyone says to me, handing me forms and papers.

"No, fuckers!" is my response, knowing that 'Angie's Box' is euphemism for her neglected tuna-scented love glove. Try erasing THAT image! Haha!

See ya tomorrow. I'll probably drink a beer before I come to work at 10am so I can brace myself for the destruction that Randi will wreak on our guests.

This message was brought to you by the letters B, E, E, and R.

HAHAHA!"

Root Vegetables and STDs

I love my job.

I'm the wine director and an assistant manager at a five-star retreat and resort. I haven't personally paid for a bottle of wine in over six months because distributors are knocking down my door to get their products on my list.

The preceding paragraph is pretty much irrelevant to the rest of this story. I just had to gloat a little.

However, I do love my job.

I have one staff member who absolutely needs to pursue a career in stand-up comedy. He might need a coach, perhaps even a writer to fortify his routine, but his delivery and observations are pretty much priceless.

For instance, in tonight's pre-service shift line-up, as I was going over the night's menu with the staff, one of the dishes happened to be accompanied with crispy parsnips. I asked if anyone could describe a parsnip. A couple of the staff used descriptors such as "root vegetable," "similar to a carrot," "basically, a white carrot," etc.

This one staff member in particular, though, had a much more graphic, if not observant, view. (Strike that. Reverse it.)

"Don't parsnips look like carrots that contracted AIDS? They're all white and shriveled."

Wow.

This blog was brought to you by the 2007 Sonoma Cutrer Russian River Ranches Chardonnay.

Aaron

In Vino, Veritas

The saying goes, "In wine, there is truth," hence the title of this blog - Fermented Philosophy.

After a few drinks, I have a tendency to become brilliant in my own mind and my every thought is poignant. It's the same situation as the preliminary contestants during the first two or three episodes of American Idol each season.

I'm the William Hung of observation, passion, and expression.

Too many times, I have made the mistake of actually sending e-mails after a night of one-too-many quaffs. I'm hoping that I can initially redirect my flawed logic to this blog so I may re-evaluate the importance of my inebriated convictions (no pun intended) before I make the mistake of forcing myself to commit to my rosé-tinted words (pun intended) so as to deflect the appearance of, well, being a drunk ass.

I hope that some entertainment value comes of this. If not, I'll drink 'till it's funny.

Aaron